Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize