I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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