Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She needs sedatives and a leash
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
