I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
