I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
