even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
