Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
