When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
