Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
