My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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