i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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