Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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