i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
