It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
