I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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