I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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