the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize