The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
