I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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