hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
