Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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