I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
