And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
