tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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