So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Randomize
