I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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