I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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