I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
