plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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