I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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