One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
