TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
