so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize