why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
