My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
