Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
