She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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