I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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