I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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