well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
