I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
should my penis look like a turkey
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
