Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
