The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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