You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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