I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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