If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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