His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
