Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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