My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
