He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
