Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I wear drunk well.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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