Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You were trust falling into bushes
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
