See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
