i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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