So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
