I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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