textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
