Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
