he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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