I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
