I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
