I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize