no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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