so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
