there's paper in my vomit.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
