You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
