yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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