Say something about gay babies.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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