My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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