Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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