was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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