the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
