oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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